ON REFLECTION

Life is characterised by seasons; whether they be climatic or just the unfolding chapters of our lives. The continuum of change is fed by loss, where every loss forces us into a new paradigm which encourages evolutionary learning and growth.

Human nature yearns for the gentleness and ease of the comfort zone and we tend to do everything in our power to encourage that repetitive stasis. But life insists that the journey be sufficiently spiced with new experiences, wrought mainly by unforeseen change. The more we struggle against life's natural flow, the more intense becomes the acquisition of valuable new understanding.

Rather than seeing life as an unfolding adventure, we readily choose to be victims of circumstance and accentuate our suffering by wallowing in pain, rather than learning life's precious lessons and moving ahead. We often stupidly seek attention through our apparent "misfortunes", instead of being mindful that our focus is what we always manifest. Such pitiful behaviour has the effect of keeping us stuck in a litany of unhappiness.

Twenty years ago, a brilliant woman called Darby Costello, told me that my life would be in two distinct chapters. The first chapter was created out of a conditioning for what I believed society revered. I followed my early dreams of making money and being at the cutting edge of pioneering and innovation in the South African investment world. In tandem to the cut and thrust of commerce, came a growing spirituality, where I actively sought the face of the Creator. This was the time when I discovered that I had been blessed with the gift of healing and actively began trying to heal the world as well.

This early part was defined by the conventional. In playing the "game", I wore pin-striped suits and monogrammed shirts. My shoes were polished to distraction and mirrored me towering above them. I strove to create wealth and the comforts which money brings.

My happiest moment came when I first looked into the soulful eyes of my son, James. To finally meet your offspring is an unparalleled joy. In that moment, I felt the depth of our soul connection which is still evident today.

This dream existence was shattered by the unexpected death of my daughter, Victoria. Her journey lasted less than a day, but her coming and going was profound. The raw parental ache of permanently saying goodbye to a child would make this a sharply defining moment where life could never be the same again. Victoria came to change the world and that becomes increasingly evident as time goes by.

Victoria's passing soon gave way to the end of my marriage and the implosion of a significant career in finance. Darby's earlier prediction of a life of two distinct chapters was being fulfilled. The more I struggled to preserve a fading past, the more extreme became the changes that were being unceremoniously foist on me. I was to be stripped bare as a preparation for the next long season of my life.

Few things have changed me more than being diagnosed with HIV. HIV taught me that worrying about the thoughts and opinions of others was pointless. More important, was to actively encourage myself to hold empowering thoughts most of the time. HIV also came to teach me the nuances of self-love, because it was by being reckless that I contacted HIV in the first place.

As I have come to understand the importance of self-love, I began to live by my doctrine of "MORE" or "LESS". Anything that detracts from our life to make us "LESS" is not an act of self-love and should not be entertained. (Visit: http://www.indigo-man.com. Click "Indigo Links" and then click "MORE or LESS".)

In looking back on yet another birthday, I am grateful for all of my life. It may not have been a comfortable life, but I have always been given exactly what I need. Life knows best! Life also honours our passionate dreams in the most profound way. If we hold onto the vision, despite the challenges that might make us want to acquiesce, we are blessed with living our dreams and our life's purpose.

Getting older is a special experience. In looking back, I am amazed at just how special life really is. I have definitely entered the second major chapter of my life which Darby described as unconventional and the emergence of the real "me". Life has equipped me through a multiplicity of experience and my task is to use this meaningfully and for the betterment of those less fortunate. Now comes the time to use what has been given to create the "fruits" of my lifetime.

In July last year, I underwent a HIVEX treatment for HIV and have been living without any anti-retroviral medication for nearly 8 months. I have been given a significant second chance! I now choose to share this amazing treatment by marshalling my talents and energies to help eradicate HIV wherever it casts its darkness.

It feels like life has only just begun and I look forward to embracing the future to make meaning of all that has already gone before. I want for nothing and only continue to choose to be MORE!