IT IS SOMETIMES DIFFICULT NOT TO FEEL LIKE A VICTIM

My purpose, my life's work, is to teach people the important art of self-love and the need to step beyond victimhood, to claim the magnificence of our lives. I was loathe to write this note because it is so personal, but then I realised that my life is ordained to be transparent, to be a clear mirror for others faced with the challenging road of life.

In the most recent few weeks, life has become progressively more difficult, where every door I encountered was closed and it felt as though my very existence was being shut down. Without the discipline of persistent journaling and regular meditation, I would never have coped.

Having lived through the death of a child, an unwanted divorce, a bankruptcy that imploded a highly successful career in asset management and the loss of all worldly possessions, followed by ten years in court faced with clearing my name of criminal charges that were "cruel scapegoating", then to face the so-called shame of changed sexual orientation and finally to succumb to HIV/Aids and feel the reality of living with a body brought to its limits by Aids, I have tasted the bitter-sweet of adversity on nearly every plane imaginable.

In all of these extraordinary travails, I have tried to cultivate an indomitable positive spirit; an attitude that has served me well when darkness could have consumed me in a lingering depression. I have frequently wanted to be Life's victim, numbed by the ache of considerable loss and used that sorrow to dwell in oceans of self-pity, but I know how self-defeating such a state of mind can be. That does not mean we mustn't mourn our losses and feel our pain. That step is vital to our healing, but to remain trapped there is a waste of life.

As Life's challenges became more extreme over the past few weeks, I kept using my journaling and meditation as sound practice to maintain sanity in the face of overwhelming pressure. These two activities kept bringing light into a space that was getting progressively darker. Journaling forces us to confront our real feelings and meditation facilitates the release from stress through letting go.

Then on Friday 20 March, a host of "angels" started appearing. These people unexpectedly called and messaged without any prompting and universally declared a similar message:
They concurred that I was living on purpose and making a valid contribution to a hurting world. Without any positive feedback, we operate in a vacuum of seeming desolation. Just at the point where I entered the apex of this dark night of the soul, a time where suicide seemed the comfortable option, Spirit moved decisively by answering prayers with a perfection beyond my greatest imaginings.

Life is perfect! Life takes us into the dark chasm when we need to learn and grow and the dark night of the soul is the perfect crucible of extreme human transformation, where we meet the awesome omnipotence of the Creator as we surrender to the possibility of another way. In that crisis, we can give up and lose hope which is to lose everything. Or we can "give over", which is to invite the Miraculous into our lives which heralds results beyond comprehension. As we surrender, we begin to see real purpose and let go of the trivialities of ego. Slowly we start to witness the paradox of our brokeness being the absolute perfection and we learn to accept ourselves just as we are, with all our apparent flaws and we move beyond perfectionism into experiencing "All that IS".

In the late 1980's, I had a vision of a new way of practicising investment management. That vision revolutionised the South African investment scene. In late 1996, I envisioned a world succumbing to a massive "debt-bust" that would give rise to the greatest depression experienced in modern economic history. My timing was out, culminating in my spectacular bankruptcy, but the credit crunch which started in
2008 is the early beginning of a downward spiral that is going to change the face of economic history forever. Banking as we knew it, will never be the same again!

I am privileged to have experienced all the life changing events that have ricocheted through my recent past. They may not have been easy, but they have been completely transformational. My duty is to take that valuable experience to help those caught in turmoil, to empower them to love themselves enough to never think like hapless victims. My life is tasked with using what has been given me to guide people through considerable storms, to bring light and to rekindle hope when all seems lost.

It is sometimes difficult not to feel like a victim. As I struggled to make sense of the past few challenging weeks, I frequently lapsed into deep despair and fretful self-pity to the point of wanting to end it all. But as I slowly allowed the hand of Spirit to guide me, I started to see the perfection in my struggle and saw how some of my greatest unanswered questions suddenly revealed extraordinary answers. Out of this trauma has been birthed a vision of a new entity that will hopefully help tens of millions gain renewed hope when all seems so lost.

Every vision begins with a small step repeatedly followed by other small steps. I invite you and anyone who you consider needs guidance in difficult times to join this journey of hope going forward. Let's use the internet wisely to connect beneficially in ways that promote the highest ideals, that reflect the best of humanity where we individually drop our facades in an effort to show the real face of brotherly love and meaningful compassion. Through the free inspirational/motivational snippets I post through the Facebook group called "Life Support for the Conscious", I will unfold all that has been revealed to me as an aid to helping others make sense of extreme difficulty.

To feel like a victim is to be a victim! Rather choose to use adversity to be MORE, to grow and to make the very most of the precious gift of life!

INDIGO-MAN
22 March 2009