THE DANGER OF DENIAL (WITH SPECIFIC REFERENCE TO HIV/AIDS)

Problems don't just go away!

Problems come for a very special reason. They are an opportunity to learn and grow, to do things differently in the future. Adversity is our teacher and allows us the chance to become so much MORE.

I spent the first four months of my journey with HIV in a self-imposed exile. Having just been given the fateful diagnosis that was to radically transform my life in the most profound way, I chose to be silent. In that silence, I secretly hoped that the diagnosis was an error, or if such luck was not to bless me, that the problem would somehow go away. This was extreme denial in action!

Having worked with HIV+ people for many years as well as having seen how HIV manifests in families and the broader community, I have come to understand the risk that denialism brings to this health issue. The Aids denialism that was the key feature of the Mbeki Government in South Africa brought catastrophic consequences. By actively trying to push the problem away, it allowed HIV to proliferate exponentially with dire consequences for many of those infected and affected. This has severely fractured South African society and has left millions of Aids orphans.

As part of a programme to roll-out the HIVEX treatment (http://www.hivex-treatment.org), I meet people daily who finally present for treatment when their health has been so severely compromised by living in denial of their illness. Those in Stage 5 of HIV who have entered irreversable organ failure because of having ignored their health problem for too long, have no further option other than to face an approaching and unnecessarily premature death.

Once I moved beyond living in denial of my HIV, I realised that this challenge had maybe come as my greatest teacher ever. I have lived with an array of significant adversities and each and every one has been specially transformative. Adversity has blessed my life! HIV is not about dying, but it comes to teach us to live differently.

HIV promotes denialism because being generally sexually transmitted, it takes us right into the heart of shame and personal darkness. We would rather ignore many of these aspects of our lives, but HIV forces us to confront our sexuality, our dangerous unbridled egos and our prevalent lack of self-love.

It is our ego that tries valiantly to prevent us from being real. We then deny what we consider to be unacceptable to others because we find it difficult to be authentic, despite the fact that authenticity is the seat of absolute personal power. HIV comes to liberate us from the shackles of an ego that does not properly serve, to enable us to be MORE.

Most people keep repeating the same mistakes because they never fully acknowledge what they most desperately need to learn. These same folk then blame others or Life itself for their uninterrupted litany of misfortune. Life sends problems like HIV to encourage us to change. It is our stubborn refusal to learn and grow that traps us in such pain. This is the very essence of living in denial.

Working with the HIVEX project, I have come to notice how women more readily accept their HIV than men. Many men would rather go silently to their death than having to burst the constraints of of an ego that prevents their personal growth. It is sad to witness such folly. Likewise, male dominated cultures tend to promote denialism around HIV/Aids. This leads to a silent festering within those societies where HIV quietly develops a stranglehold which ultimately is almost impossible to deal with.

Problems go once we have learnt everything that is necessary to enable us to transcend the adversity. HIV/Aids is no different.

By denying the existence of HIV either personally, societally or nationally, we are creating a timebomb of horrific proportions. Best we face our challenges early, despite the discomfort they elicit, to enable strategies to move beyond the affliction.

The bigger the problem or issue, the bigger the opportunity to grow and become MORE. The choice remains ours!