BEING AN INSTRUMENT OF PROFOUND POSITIVE CHANGE

In early December 2010, I was asked to address a group of about 50 students who were graduating from Film School. Two months earlier, I had started the first HIVEX treatment centre in Durban in South Africa. HIVEX uses targeted electromagnetic frequencies to damage the proteins in HIV, making viral replication stop as well as preventing the virus from being able to heal itself, thus ensuring that this treatment is once-off and therefore permanent.

The group of film students was lively and engaging and an opportunity to inform them of the important work we were doing. It was also a chance to encourage them to protect themselves from potential HIV infection and if already infected, to do something positive to alter the course of their lives.

The day after this address, a young girl who had been sitting directly in front of me came to the treatment centre. She asked if I knew who she was and I immediately recognised her from that meeting. Looking at her in the audience, I got a strong intuitive feeling that she was HIV+ and her sudden appearance at the treatment centre was no surprise.

This young woman said she needed treatment but being a student, could not afford to be treated. We treated her at no charge as life is more valuable than the small donation we usually ask patients to make. It was a joy to see her visibly change in the most positive way over the twelve days of treatment. To witness significant healing is a priceless experience!

Yesterday, as I left a small restaurant having met a friend for a small year end celebration, I was stopped by a young woman with a bright smiling face. "Do you remember me?" she asked.

Through my several meetings related to HIVEX every week, I tend to meet hundreds of people making it difficult to remember every person whose path I cross. Some hear me speak to large audiences and I never get the chance to personally engage every member of the audience. HIV is an emotionally charged topic and some prefer to avoid direct contact for fear that others might deem them to be HIV+.

The young lady seated near the entrance of the restaurant told me she had been in the group of film students whom I had addressed just over a year ago. She asked about progress and I reported that we had treated approximately 1200 HIV+ people. I mentioned that we were seeing an increasing number of patients as word was spreading as to the efficacy of this HIVEX treatment. Word of mouth is the most powerful form of advertising as it carries an endorsement which is strongly loaded. Satisfied clients are the building blocks for future triumph.

This young woman then told me she had sent her HIV+ mother for treatment after having heard me talk to her fellow alumni. It is always fascinating to see the sphere of influence that generates from our actions. A positive intention that is brought into reality by our focused actions is likely to yield significant results, often long after the work is done.

I asked how her mother was doing since having undergone a HIVEX treatment. Her face took on an added glow as she proudly announced: "She is now 100%!" That has to be one of the more meaningful recent moments in my life. It was like an unexpected action replay of something that was already tucked deeply into the reservoir of memory.

Nothing is more valuable than the awareness of having been a positive influence in someone's life. It brings a dimension of meaning to one's own existence that is priceless. This unspeakable joy can never be intentionally harvested. It comes from doing something substantial for others without ever seeking recognition or reward.

I do not engage in the exchange of gifts at Christmas. I find the commercialism of this special time to be repugnant and would rather use this time to connect significantly with those people who have real meaning in my life.

Meeting the young lady as I was about to leave the restaurant is probably the highlight of my Christmas. This was a gift of considerable proportion and coming just before the turn of another year, made me realise that all the hard work in 2011 was to be the building block for even better times ahead.

My prayer going forward is for an acceleration of what has now been seeded. I have witnessed scores of lives that have benefited and changed in sublimely positive ways through the HIVEX process. It feels like a revolution has begun that is likely to change the face of a suffering humanity.

CHRISTMAS 2011

Here is a beautiful short piece that really touched me a few days ago. Its message is powerful for all of us.


"Something universal in the human spirit is rising at this time to celebrate the light that defiantly, brightly shines - even now, in what is (in the Northern Hemisphere) the darkest time of the year. While the lights sparkle and rich aromas and melodies rise up, the cold bites and the body yearns to hibernate.

It can be one of the most wonderful, and paradoxically, one of the most difficult times of the whole year. We are made to notice light and fullness, but also darkness and emptiness; we are reminded of our connectedness, but also of our aloneness.

Every person we love (including every person, alive now or not, who we have ever loved) awakens our recognition of the Universal Beloved, that which is the essence of all that is lovable and loving, the One from which we can never be separated.

Giving gifts is a way to remind ourselves of love, to enact our gratitude, to express the spirit of generosity that is our only sanity.

And yet so is being quiet and still, and noticing the stillness that is always already present.

And so, of course, life requires us to choose again. To find our heart's "yes" in both light and darkness. To find a way to walk with love in this still only half-made world, this place where love is yet to fully take its hold.

In the community where I grew up, our neighbours stepped over boundaries by gathering for a Hannukah party one night and singing Christmas carols through the neighbourhood the next. Together, these rituals healed something in us, individually and collectively.

May your heart find a way to practice this holiday season. May you find a way to notice the light in the darkness in every single body, to notice the non-separation that lets you reach across the gaps that face you!"


Sadly, I do not know the author of this wonderful message in order to give acknowledgement to where it is rightly due. But I remain grateful for being enriched by its wisdom.

Bless you all at this special time of year. May your introspections be fulfilling and a preparation for the quest to be MORE in 2012.

With my love


Clive

PROFOUND CHOICE

The thing we call adversity is in fact a chance to become MORE! Life is about profound choice.

When we refuse to be victims, right in the very core of our minds, that is when seeming pain transcends into a meaningful joy!

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM HIV - WORLD AIDS DAY 2011

Few things have expanded my existence more than HIV. Practically every boundary of my being has been challenged by this controversial disease and I have been forced to grow beyond my wildest dreams.

Firstly, Aids gave me the opportunity to come face to face with death, to really understand that the life that I know will not last forever. In those moments of feeling the life force draining from my being, my connection with the Infinite became intensely real. This was not driven by the fear of death, but rather from an experience of knowing the perpetual closeness of our Creator, when the very sophistications of life had been replaced by stark simplicity. To visit our mortality and to then rebound into life, builds a meaningful gratitude for the absolute essence of life.

HIV has taken me into the deep reservoirs of my being, to show me aspects of myself I had never met before. On this extraordinary journey, I visited both the light and dark aspects of who I am and suddenly understood that both were equally important. Without the privilege of understanding my darkness, how could I ever appreciate my light?

Few things engender more fear than HIV. The fear of death, the fear of rejection, the fear of dreams being imploded and the intense fear of irreversible change. Each of these fears represented another mountain of personal challenge and as I have attempted to climb them, I get breathless by the excitement of slaying dragons and learning the self-imposed limitation of unconquered fear. Transcending fear becomes a milestone on the journey to becoming MORE.

Shocked by the diagnosis of HIV, I visited a solitary personal space to internalise this harsh news. A few months later, I decided that to remain a victim of HIV was to entirely abdicate the remainder of my life. In those early days I tried to understand stigma and soon realised that stigma began with me. Stigma was not something others imposed on me; stigma was encouraged or invited by the state of my own thinking.

To choose empowering thoughts above my crushing fear of rejection was an opportunity to manage my ego and to refuse to be a slave to it. When my face was covered in unsightly sores and looked gaunt and drawn from the impact of this illness, I refused to closet myself away from society. When people stared, I chose to smile back to remind them that I was also a fragile human trying to make the most of the cards I had been dealt. In those moments, people got my measure and accepted me fully, because mysteriously they realised that I had accepted myself just as I was.

In the formative part of my life, I became drawn to counselling and healing. In those early times, I was probably motivated by the need to rescue people from their pain. This work always brought a bounty of immeasurable joy. More recently, life took me right into the vortex of healing, working with African people struggling with this life changing virus. This work has shown me that I am no longer motivated by the need to rescue. As I interact with this sea of hurting humanity, my role is to show them love and respect and to help them help themselves, as they, like me try to make sense of extreme adversity. I delight as I watch seemingly unsophisticated people transcend their challenges and begin to ascend the opportunity of becoming MORE.

HIV/Aids has become a huge, widely politicised business. This multi-billion dollar industry jealously guards its territory, preventing the possibility of the emergence of a cure. I am saddened at how relatively innocent people are used to lobby for the maintenance of the status quo, without ever thinking that there might be something more profound. I currently work with cutting-edge technology developed over twenty years ago. The progress of this treatment remains thwarted by pressure from those who aim to preserve their own privileged position.

I now clearly understand that my contracting HIV was not only part of my own necessary development as a human being, but it has placed me at a critical juncture to facilitate healing for so many others. As we move beyond the short-term discomfort of challenge to try to understand how it may support our life's purpose, our opened consciousness suddenly allows us to see light in seeming darkness and to benefit all from our enlightened experience.

May this World Aids Day herald significant shifts in thinking around this illness. May we begin to discern how we need to react in the most appropriate ways for the upliftment of ourselves and humanity in general. Life is difficult, but it is through adversity that we are always given a sublime opportunity to become MORE!

THE FOCUS OF A GREAT MAN

Greatness can never be measured by what a man does for himself!

BE VIGILANT OF HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF

By inadvertently communicating and behaving like victims, we are immediately withdrawing from the potential bounty of life. To be a victim is to believe that you don't deserve.

Choose to be MORE!

GOING IN

To find the still space at the centre of our being is to find our guiding light. Without it, life becomes chaotic and we wander aimlessly from our given path.

11:11:11

The number 11 is about being in-tune (psychically aware) and attuned to the non-physical. Humanity is being asked to wake up and tune-in to what is really important. That is why we face dire financial crisis, extraordinary climate change and the HIV pandemic.

Time to pay attention and to shift!

TWINKLE, TWINKLE

To choose to be mediocre, either consciously or unconsciously, is to never fully value the gift of life. Every person has the ability to shine, even in the small, seemingly irrelevant parts of life. Our light, no matter how gentle, always erases the darkness.

THE CRUCIBLE

Our pain is the crucible or melting pot for our future growth and evolution.

THE POWER OF BEING

The desire for power often masks an underlying insecurity.
Real power comes by being totally authentic whilst living out a given purpose.

THE INEVITABLE

The more we resist change by refusing to be conscious of how we need to grow, the greater the intensity of the pressure from Life forcing such change.

WALKING THE TALK

Look clearly and what people do rather than what they say!
Words are vacuous whereas actions say it all!

CATACLYSMIC CHANGE

There is a revolution sweeping across the globe driven by Truth. Corrupt regimes and enterprises will all be swept away by this awesome tide. The facade of the inauthentic will fall like scales off a rotting fish.

Best we flow with this current of radical change than face the stress of trying to support a fading status quo.

CONSCIOUSLY MOVING INTO THE LIGHT

Acknowledging and understanding our hurt is the first step to any recovery.

Dwelling in self-pity is a refusal to move out of darkness, often motivated by the desire for meaningless attention.

Consciously taking small healing steps every day is the journey to be MORE!

FAST FORWARD

The greatest acceleration in our own progress happens when we get our ego out the way.

LEARNING TO BE BIGGER THAN SELF

Confrontation is uncomfortable and we frequently avoid it. Confrontation is most often the result of a heightened ego-consciousness where one ego tries to dominate others.

In any confrontation, subjugating our own ego by refusing to vent and allowing matters to crystallise in the stillness often leads to discovering the gift in any conflict. Strife is calling for change and that is what we must diligently seek.

RELEASING FEAR

Where there is fear, there can never be healing.

Healing is the transcendence of the present into something that is MORE!
To move ahead requires absolute surrender to the unknown.

AFTER THE STORM..

After every storm there is a surreal peace.
After the darkness there is always light.

THE SPACE OF MIRACLES

As we release or let go of the darkness (fear), we make space for the Light!

AT ODDS

When two wills are at odds, stress results. When our will is different to what Life has ordained for us, we feel inordinately stressed too.

Letting go, to determine where our lives flow naturally is the only solution to a life constrained by deadlock.

Struggle begets more struggle!

THE FUTILITY OF UNRESOLVED GUILT

Guilt is that emotion that keeps us looking backwards to a former event that we now label as failure. In the story of Adam and Eve, we learn of how this couple chose to hide after indulging in "forbidden fruit". Feelings of guilt caused them to go into self-imposed exile as they felt shamed by their earlier transgressions.

We all fail and that is the special mechanism by which we are meant to learn and grow. To fail creates the potential to gain insightful knowledge of the real world. This is where we cultivate wisdom by responding meaningfully to events that could be easily be labelled as bad. Wisdom can never be acquired by tuition; it is gained through seemingly brutal knocks along life's paths.

Guilt is the manifestation of an active conscience or overly developed sense of responsibility. Guilt causes us to feel that we have done wrong and clearly points to where we have erred. This is the point where our own powerful choice comes into play yet again.

Consciousness is all about awareness. It is only when we are fully aware that we effectively listen to the small voice of our conscience. That is when we can make relevant choices to grow from the aspects we might call failure.

Failure is only failure when we don't react effectively to the call to grow or to become MORE! We eliminate failure when we take positive steps to heal wounds and to repair damaged relationships. Being pro-active in making amends is the balm that transforms failure into something valuable. This is where we can be effective alchemists in our own lives to transport our darkness into shining light.

HIV/Aids is an illness that has come to teach humanity on many different planes. Being infected with this virus should remind us that we loved ourselves inadequately. We then feel guilty in terms of the damage we have done to our physical bodies, our existence and to our families. This guilt also surfaces when we have carelessly infected others by not revealing our HIV status or by acting irresponsibly.

When milk has been spilt it cannot be reversed. The cleaning that results from the spillage can however be very effective in dealing with other ancillary issues. These situations demand that we avoid focusing on the negative, but rather that we take suitable remedial action to make worthwhile amends and to grow from the seeming adversity.

The guilt and shame associated with HIV has forced most of those infected and affected into a dangerous silent exile. This is the silence that kills (see also http://indigo-mansblog.blogspot.com/the-silence-that-kills.html) and is the very breeding ground of this dangerous virus! Problems that aren't confronted soon escalate to a proportion where we feel that little can be done to make adequate amends. Every problem, no matter how large needs to be addressed, one small step at a time. Small steps take away the potential to be overwhelmed by the enormity of the task. Small positive steps taken regularly lead away from guilt and shame and transport us back to Eden!

Guilt is only useful if used as a guide, but never as a persistent feature of life. Guilt on its own is a negative, destructive force; but if used as a prompt for self-forgiveness and the purging of damaged souls, can be a mightily valuable emotion. Guilt should be our marker that something needs to be fixed. All emotions are natural human radar pointing to a required response. Guilt needs to be used effectively as a beacon for healing, to allow it to then disappear when the job is done.

A conscience that is ignored is the hallmark of the sociopath. These are dangerous individuals who show no remorse for any of their actions. Such people generally leave deep scars on society.

There is so much unnecessary suffering and angst. HIV/Aids has done its bit to add to this burden, but when we come to understand why events needed to happen, as a preparation for meaningful personal growth and transformation, we can then move ahead freed of the heaviness that dogged the past.

Any emotion that is not acknowledged is wasted. Consciousness alerts us to our feelings giving the capacity for response. To use every emotion positively and effectively is to encourage the very fullness of life. Without such behaviour, we live surface, shallow lives that are devoid of depth that can never reflect any significant purpose. Such lives are often caught in repetitive loops where progress or evolution becomes horribly limited.

Unprocessed guilt is a significant and limiting handbrake; but used as a signal to heal the past, guilt becomes extremely valuable and a wonderful vehicle to be MORE!

POSITIVE SHIFTS

As we mentally transform what we perceive as difficulty into an exciting adventure, we change the dynamic of the situation and allow for unexpected and favourable results.

What we think we actively manifest!

ONE AND ALL

Until we heal as individuals, humanity will remain broken!

THE FRUITS OF GRATITUDE

Happiness emerges from a deep contentment of what already exists.

MORE TO LIFE

Self-love is simply choosing to be MORE!

http://www.definitive-culture.co.za/posts/view/more-to-life.html

FAILING FORWARD

Success is evolutionary rather than serendipitous.

Repeated failure and a litany of disappointment are the rites of passage to ultimate triumph!

THE SILENCE THAT KILLS

Problems don't just go away! If left unattended, they fester and grow and ultimately become all consuming.

Every adversity has the potential to make us to become MORE, including HIV/Aids. Difficulty is the natural order that comes to stretch boundaries, to force us out of stagnant comfort into a more proactive attitude that searches for meaningful solutions. Self-pity is often loaded with attention seeking and speaks of defeat and an unwillingness to go through the pain to transcend to become MORE.

The shame surrounding HIV, possibly because of its link to promiscuity and sexuality, creates a deathly silence that few choose to confront. It is in that treacherous denial that the virus continues to be actively spread, both within those already infected as well as being transmitted without fanfare to the uninfected. It is this shamed silence that has bred a pandemic that now seems almost impossible to limit.

HIV is a personal dilemma for nearly 50 million people. That number is probably far greater if the truth were known, but secrecy and deception both by individuals, governments and society in general has allowed an epidemic to become an outrageous pandemic.

Stigma is self-perpetuating! The person who feels comfortable about self, despite circumstance, including HIV, is rarely challenged. Such people are most frequently admired for their candour and others are drawn to them by their magnetic authenticity. Personal power is borne out of self-acceptance and an ability to turn challenge to positive advantage. Conversely, the mind of the victim keeps those frightened souls in a tortured captivity that is self-generated.

Whether we are HIV+ or not, this issue can no longer remain cloaked in silence. It has become the silence that kills!

Passivity around HIV should no longer be tolerated. Whether as individuals or as society in general, refusing to address this issue constructively can only lead to more infection, an exploding and seemingly unaffordable cost in financial terms and an aching human tragedy, as borne out by the millions of orphans created by this plague.

What we focus on and most particularly what we give voice to, becomes energised and ultimately manifests as reality. This is the time to engage HIV in the most positive way imaginable, rather than just remaining silent and allowing the problem to expand and perpetuate. We may not all be infected, but we are all certainly affected and need to play our role as constructively as possible.

Let's kill the "silence", whether it be about our own struggle with HIV or our ability to make a small regular difference by refusing to proliferate the infection through responsible behaviour. Rather than walking away from the issue, let's choose daily to be part of an achievable transformation just by changing our thoughts and consequently our universe.

Here is an opportunity for us to grow as individuals and for society in general to evolve. That significant journey will only be attained by a change in attitude coupled with small progressive steps in a meaningful direction.

The underlying fear that creates the silence that kills, needs to be transformed into the next major revolution that changes the physical, mental and spiritual health of humankind. Here is a chance for us all to become MORE!

I AM

To seek validation through others, things or money is fraught with despair.

Until we validate ourselves by acknowledging our uniqueness and the priceless value of such rarity, life remains a hollow repetitive loop.

THE GREAT LET GO

As we come to the foot of the Cross, we humble ourselves; we abandon our egos. This is where miracles happen because Spirit can only move when we empty ourselves.

This is the essence of letting go!

HARSH CHALLENGES

Winter is as normal as the comforting warmth of summer. We need winters to prune the excesses of the earlier season and to cull whatever could weaken existence going forward.

The harsh volatility of markets at present is no different. It is a reaction to excessive debt financed spending and to interest rates that have been artificially too low for too long.

Adjustment processes are never easy, but are necessary to preserve the integrity of the system in future.

WHAT WE RESIST, PERSISTS

Adversity persists for as long as it requires us to effectively respond to necessary change. The "comfort zone" is often the most uncomfortable place to remain stuck.

PURPOSEFUL

As we become more conscious, or aware, so we start to see how everything that went before had purpose. Every step is a preparation and that path is specially ordained to enable our souls to gain the learning required to facilitate the voyage into eternity!

FREEDOM

The unconditional heart only operates with an open hand!

SHAPING UP

The butterfly only discovers flight after it has gone through the struggle of birthing itself.

We are no different!

STEPPING BACK INTO THE NOW

When we feel deeply overwhelmed by the uncertainty of an unknown future, that is the clear signal to step back into the relative comfort of this moment and to live it fully.

Successful futures are borne out of meaningfully lived NOW moments.

SUBLIME COMPETITION

Understanding and conquering our own darkness is the real challenge!

Competition to acquire more is a vacuous waste of time. Becoming MORE is life's purpose!

EGOLESS

The habitat of light workers is littered with discarded egos.

ACCEPTANCE ABOVE RESISTANCE

If your life is crumbling away, despite every effort to preserve the status quo, just accept that you are in the vortex of considerable change.

Rather than fighting this valuable process, try to understand it. Use it wisely.

Every change equips us with a new paradigm bringing a fresh set of life lessons to prepare our souls for eventual onward flight. This is the special place where wisdom is earned!

GIVING, TO RECEIVE

Until we open our hands to let go, especially of those things that no longer serve, nothing further can be added.

GETTING REAL

Our healing demands that we first fully acknowledge our brokeness.

The temptation to think like a victim is always there and this is our meaningful challenge. To transcend being a victim is to become MORE and in that space, we discover that we are perfect anyway!

BELL RINGER OF CHANGE

Extreme and unexpected loss always heralds considerable change. Rather than reacting like a victim or fighting against it, flow in the new direction.

REAL-EYES-ATION

Life is less meaningful when we search with our eyes rather than discovering with our soul.

SOLSTICE CHANGE

Change comes despite our desire to preserve the familiar.

Every change is predicated by letting go of something. Positive change is activated by relinquishing our need to control and our ingrained subliminal negative habits.

Allow yourself to flow by being a disciple of meaningful change.

TRUSTING THE PROCESS

For as long as we dwell on the "How?", we are not trusting our ability to manifest.

SLOWLY, BUT SURELY!

The journey of small focused steps always eventually leads to meaningful breakthrough!

THE SABOTAGE OF JEALOUSY

Feelings of lack or inadequacy are the building blocks of jealousy.

Jealousy not only damages relationships, but it acts as a significant impediment to our ability to manifest. Until we heal the root of this emotion, our lives remain stuck and unable to flow.

MENDING BROKEN FENCES

Constructive confrontation is always an opportunity to heal relationships and for the parties to grow through dialogue.

LIVING TO LIVE

Rather than trying to outlive ourselves and avoid certain death, we should live every moment in reverence of the gift of a continuing life. Living fully, making a positive difference and fulfilling our soul purpose, all work powerfully to anaesthetise the fear of death and the eventual journey into the great unknown.

THE POWER OF INTIMACY

Intimacy occurs when two souls can breach fear and fully engage each other.

SPEECHLESS REJECTION

By not giving our more serious feelings a voice is tantamount to not loving ourselves.

BLOCKED BY DOUBT

The obvious doubts in our conscious mind coupled with the ingrained negative beliefs in our subconscious, act as our lives' most profound handbrakes.

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED

Life is a progression over a terrain of obstacles.
Our minds can either be disheartened by the difficulty, or we can approach each obstacle with an open-minded creativity that ultimately facilitates our growth. Big dreams are fraught with huge challenge. Great minds never cease to get to the other side despite the odds. This is the road less travelled!

EMULATING THE CREATOR

When we connect with our innate creativity, we engage the Divine.

To live creatively, rather than being an automaton of the hum-drum, we learn to dance with Spirit and discover that life is limitless, if we allow it to be!

LIMITING BEHAVIOUR

Rather than fully engaging, we sometimes create secret "escape routes" to give us a way out. This behaviour keeps us in a self-created bondage that never allows us to be MORE. Until we shut these doors, our fears hold us captive and prevent us from living the fullness of what could be.

BEING MORE!

When we refuse to be victims and rather choose to show others the path to healing themselves, so we are healed! Our abundance lies in growing others, not in wallowing in our own pain.

SHINING LOVE INTO THE WORLD

As we learn to smile with our eyes, a projection of pure unconditional love, we notice an immediate positive response from everything we encounter. The love that we freely share, soon changes the landscape for all in significant ways.

FILLING THE VOID

The constant desire to be entertained speaks of a soul that lives in a purposeless void.
When we discover purpose, our mission becomes the entertainment.

WHEN STRUGGLE IS NO LONGER STRUGGLE

Every struggle is an opportunity to become MORE!

Struggle tests and prepares the human mettle!

Struggle is the essence of any meaningful evolution.

CHOOSING TO BE MORE!

Indecision is most frequently born in a mind that lacks consciousness. Without the clarity that comes by living in full awareness, life is sabotaged by mental stasis. To become MORE, we need to discern where Life's flow is, by taking time to be still enough to listen to Life's guiding whispers. Then comes the need for the courage to move with the current without being paralysed by fear.

CONSCIOUS CREATION

By consciously creating a life which we love living is what self-love is all about. Life may not be easy, but choosing to learn and grow to become MORE brings a sense of adventure that enables us to smile despite life's storms. Only with consciousness can we respond appropriately and move graciously in the direction of our dreams.

TRUE GRIT

Tenacity is the ability to keep following your dream against all odds. Tenacity comes from living on purpose despite a seemingly hostile world. Nothing prepares the soul more for its eternal flight than the ability to stay focused both mentally and physically in the pursuit of something meaningful for others.

EFFECTIVE CLOSURE

Fear prevents us from closing doors to the "dead-ends" of our lives. Until we have the courage to bring absolute closure, new more appropriate ways to achieving our hearts desires cannot manifest. This paralysing fear vests in an inability to trust a power far greater than ourselves, the Infinite.

SHAPE-SHIFTING

A year ago, I could feel the need for radical change, but had little idea as to how considerable it would actually be. Most of the change began in July 2010 when I was invited to Durban in KwaZulu Natal in South Africa for a HIVEX treatment.

I have just re-read what I wrote straight after that life changing experience and recommend that you do the same, to make sense of what follows:

http://indigo-mansblog.blogspot.com/when-healing-comes.html

The enormity of what had transpired during that treatment, made me step beyond what had quietly become an uncomfortable comfort zone. I decided to move to Durban from Cape Town to start a HIVEX treatment facility in the very centre of Durban. Having started my own business many years before, I soon realised that my pioneering spirit had led me to begin another commercial venture, but something radically different from anything before. This was more about pioneering a much needed humanitarian cause than being a conventional entrepreneur.

We are often afraid of the unfamiliar and this unspoken fear frequently keeps us stuck in miserable lives. For whatever reason, most people would rather perpetuate their seeming pain, than engage positive change to create a more meaningful life. My comfort zone had become an obvious "dead-end" that needed radical action. Despite initially working very long hours with little social life, this new life in Durban heralded the onset of important personal shifts.

I was raised as a white man in apartheid South Africa. I grew up in relative comfort in a middle class home where we had the privilege of black servants. My conditioning lead me to believe that black people were fundamentally different, although I would not have called myself a racist. As a young man I was drafted into the army which was undoubtedly one of the instruments of maintaining the apartheid status quo. As I have now expanded my understanding, I feel ashamed to have been part of a system which wrought such extreme suffering on our black people. I had unwittingly become part of the problem, rather than choosing to make a stand.

My life in Durban has been surrounded by black people. For the first time ever, I have been immersed in their world, both in the city, in the townships and rurally. At first, I felt awkward being the only white person in a sea of black faces. But that initial response has transformed into realising that we are essentially all the same. I have been subject to their friendship and love and it has been a joy to reciprocate that warmth.

Part of this meaningful growth experience has been to discover that black people have dreams, fears and aspirations just like me, despite decades of suppression. Some of those I have met are significantly more evolved than many of the people who have moved through the earlier chapters of my life. This journey of personal discovery has made me deliberately search for the soul of another, rather than glibly seeing people at face value without exploring their real worth.

I have often commented on the lack of servant leadership in the modern world. Most current leaders seem hell-bent on what they can get, rather than being focused on the gift that they might bring to others. The examples of Jesus and Gandhi have made me understand the considerable power of the servant leader. These two men changed history considerably. Too frequently, we fail to comprehend what real power is. We expect power to be clothed in arrogance, wealth or brute force. But as I grow older, I learn that shedding the veil of ego to reveal the authentic self is the most profound way to unlock personal power.

Working in the HIVEX treatment centre has again opened me to my primary role as a servant. It is in this extraordinary space that I have witnessed how serving others brings absolute meaning to one's existence. Whilst my earlier life was largely focused on the accumulation of the material, I now see the transitory nature of acquisition. Happiness, I have discovered, can never vest in something or somebody. My happiness is within me and I need to release it by living meaningfully. Watching people heal every day makes me inordinately happy.

Coming to Durban took me right into the vortex of my life's real purpose. I thought I knew it before, but it is only when I got into the work of really serving people and witnessing their restored health that I understood the importance of this time in my life.

I choose to focus the balance of my life in fighting the new "struggle". With apartheid gone, activism needs to move to the arena of HIV/Aids where millions of people are suffering the horror of this hideous disease. In trying to understand many of the frustrations I have encountered trying to move this important project forward, it becomes apparent that HIV/Aids has become a huge industry that is now fiercely guarded by those who choose to make considerable money out of others' misery. The new struggle is not only to end this health scourge, but to waken people to the corruption that distorts life so horrifically.

By constantly blessing our journey even when it becomes uncomfortable, Life's response will overwhelm you. It will shift you beyond your wildest dreams and reveal aspects of self never previously known. Life may not be easy, but it can become a passage of joy if we just open ourselves to serving others whilst we invite the adventure.

TIT FOR TAT

The desire for vengeance speaks of a poorly evolved mind with little reverence for Life. The evolved mind accepts what is, knowing that every incident is a personal opportunity to be MORE!

Acts of vengeance simply invite the creation of negative karma.

SOUL SEARCHING

Always turn in; venture silently to the core of your being.

Seek not the apparent solutions of the world, but be guided by the wisdom of your soul. When the answers percolate into your consciousness from the deep reservoirs of your unconscious, they might not be easy to implement, but they are never wrong.

It is when we trust and obey this inner truth that life starts to flow like the river that leads gently back to Eden.

IN TIME

Everything happens at its anointed time!

The epiphanies come when we have evolved sufficiently for the next considerable move. Be patient with yourself as you quietly grow towards what is meant to be.

WITH GRACE

To live with Grace is to be conscious enough to discern the next small step and to take it.

STOP TO LISTEN

Most lives are a blur of confusion and a frantic dash for something that is essentially meaningless.
Unless we regularly stop to listen to the "whispers", we never discover our purpose or find happiness by living meaningfully.

THE 'PLAN'

God has a plan!

When we try to see the way ahead and can't, we invite crippling fear.
Best we live fully in the moment and embrace that perfect "plan".

THE REFINER'S FIRE

The centre of Life's fire is most often our greatest dread. This is the place of absolute human transformation and a necessary preparation for a significant future journey. Bless this alchemical experience for it is here that you always become MORE!

LIMITED BY CHOICE

If you were diagnosed as being HIV+, would you reveal your status? Or would you choose to go into self-imposed exile as a victim of your own shame and fear of rejection?

HIV has hopefully started to move away from the "leprosy" status it attracted thirty years ago, when ignorance blighted people's reaction to the virus. The media has done a lot to correct these dangerous misconceptions and HIV is slowly starting to take its rightful place.

When we confine anything to secrecy, we give it a power way beyond what it deserves. The moment we talk openly about serious issues, we disempower them. It is that act of sharing which enables us to take back our power and to refuse to continue being hostage to something that doesn't warrant such destructive attention.

For several months I have been involved in assisting people going through a HIVEX treatment for HIV. As their physical well-being begins to recover, so they start to examine the mental and spiritual issues around this illness. Every adversity, including HIV and Aids, is a profound opportunity to grow, to become MORE! HIV comes to mirror our inadequacies and to enable personal growth in ways we could never have envisaged.

Many of those who visit this treatment centre tell me how they have lived a shut-down exile since discovering their HIV infection. One woman even left family and friends and a significant career to go live abroad as she tried to run away from her new HIV+ existence. Just in the past week, she has engaged family and friends and revealed her status. The lightness of being that has emanated from this positive disclosure is clearly visible on her face. She now radiates light rather than projecting the darkness of her burdensome secrets.

As people emerge from this unspoken veil, they are most frequently met with overwhelming love and support, rather than facing the torment of rejection that is the root of this tyrannical fear. Rejection always begins with self and this creates the energetic space for others to choose to reject us.

HIV forces us to deal with our fragile ego, to learn that the more authentic we are about everything, the more powerful we become. When we stop projecting rejection and start to love ourselves enough, we find a world that welcomes us with open arms, despite HIV or any other perceived affliction.

Life gives us everything we need to expand us into the fullness of our being. We need to become conscious to the several disguised opportunities to become MORE, rather than being grounded by self-pity and the inability to look for the high ground.

Life is about choice and best we make choices that are expansive and valuable not only to ourselves but to everyone around us. When people start to face their reality with candour and with the desire to become MORE, that is the space where considerable myths get debunked where limitation is conquered.

HIV is not a death sentence! HIV is an opportunity to live differently and to engage life significantly. HIV generates the need to make considerable choices and should be the conduit for positive transformation rather than a pitiful degeneration. This attitude soon teaches us that the most apparent limitations are created by our own thinking anyway.

If you were HIV+, would you continue to be ashamed of your status?

INDIGO-MAN

I am indigo, violet-blue.
I am deep like the ocean and light like the cool dawn sky.
Like my birthstone, amethyst, I am mystical
And often reside in the quiet caverns of my thinking.

I am Indigo-Man, child of the Aquarian Age.
I believe in the transformative power of love
And wish to shine my quiet light into darkened hearts,
That they may learn to love themselves enough to shine brightly again.

LIGHTING OUR LIGHT

The victim's pitiful lament is always: "Why me?" which speaks of a "Poor me!" mentality.

When we start to see every situation as sacred opportunity to grow and transcend ourselves, we embrace a spirit of gratitude and excitement that begs the question: "What next?"

That change of mental focus transforms everything in the most profound way and we become a light in the world.

ON REFLECTION

Life is characterised by seasons; whether they be climatic or just the unfolding chapters of our lives. The continuum of change is fed by loss, where every loss forces us into a new paradigm which encourages evolutionary learning and growth.

Human nature yearns for the gentleness and ease of the comfort zone and we tend to do everything in our power to encourage that repetitive stasis. But life insists that the journey be sufficiently spiced with new experiences, wrought mainly by unforeseen change. The more we struggle against life's natural flow, the more intense becomes the acquisition of valuable new understanding.

Rather than seeing life as an unfolding adventure, we readily choose to be victims of circumstance and accentuate our suffering by wallowing in pain, rather than learning life's precious lessons and moving ahead. We often stupidly seek attention through our apparent "misfortunes", instead of being mindful that our focus is what we always manifest. Such pitiful behaviour has the effect of keeping us stuck in a litany of unhappiness.

Twenty years ago, a brilliant woman called Darby Costello, told me that my life would be in two distinct chapters. The first chapter was created out of a conditioning for what I believed society revered. I followed my early dreams of making money and being at the cutting edge of pioneering and innovation in the South African investment world. In tandem to the cut and thrust of commerce, came a growing spirituality, where I actively sought the face of the Creator. This was the time when I discovered that I had been blessed with the gift of healing and actively began trying to heal the world as well.

This early part was defined by the conventional. In playing the "game", I wore pin-striped suits and monogrammed shirts. My shoes were polished to distraction and mirrored me towering above them. I strove to create wealth and the comforts which money brings.

My happiest moment came when I first looked into the soulful eyes of my son, James. To finally meet your offspring is an unparalleled joy. In that moment, I felt the depth of our soul connection which is still evident today.

This dream existence was shattered by the unexpected death of my daughter, Victoria. Her journey lasted less than a day, but her coming and going was profound. The raw parental ache of permanently saying goodbye to a child would make this a sharply defining moment where life could never be the same again. Victoria came to change the world and that becomes increasingly evident as time goes by.

Victoria's passing soon gave way to the end of my marriage and the implosion of a significant career in finance. Darby's earlier prediction of a life of two distinct chapters was being fulfilled. The more I struggled to preserve a fading past, the more extreme became the changes that were being unceremoniously foist on me. I was to be stripped bare as a preparation for the next long season of my life.

Few things have changed me more than being diagnosed with HIV. HIV taught me that worrying about the thoughts and opinions of others was pointless. More important, was to actively encourage myself to hold empowering thoughts most of the time. HIV also came to teach me the nuances of self-love, because it was by being reckless that I contacted HIV in the first place.

As I have come to understand the importance of self-love, I began to live by my doctrine of "MORE" or "LESS". Anything that detracts from our life to make us "LESS" is not an act of self-love and should not be entertained. (Visit: http://www.indigo-man.com. Click "Indigo Links" and then click "MORE or LESS".)

In looking back on yet another birthday, I am grateful for all of my life. It may not have been a comfortable life, but I have always been given exactly what I need. Life knows best! Life also honours our passionate dreams in the most profound way. If we hold onto the vision, despite the challenges that might make us want to acquiesce, we are blessed with living our dreams and our life's purpose.

Getting older is a special experience. In looking back, I am amazed at just how special life really is. I have definitely entered the second major chapter of my life which Darby described as unconventional and the emergence of the real "me". Life has equipped me through a multiplicity of experience and my task is to use this meaningfully and for the betterment of those less fortunate. Now comes the time to use what has been given to create the "fruits" of my lifetime.

In July last year, I underwent a HIVEX treatment for HIV and have been living without any anti-retroviral medication for nearly 8 months. I have been given a significant second chance! I now choose to share this amazing treatment by marshalling my talents and energies to help eradicate HIV wherever it casts its darkness.

It feels like life has only just begun and I look forward to embracing the future to make meaning of all that has already gone before. I want for nothing and only continue to choose to be MORE!

EXILED BY GREED

The inability to share, driven by deep-seated greed, always leads to a self-created exile of loneliness.